Promises, Promises
by Ellera
Summary: Marian Hawke faces a decision that will change her life forever. A reimagining of one of the pivotal endgame scenes of DA2, now with 100% more heartbreak!


She stood staring at his back for a long moment, wishing he would turn around and look at her. Finally, she shook her head. "No. There has to be another way. I won't kill you. I…can't." She started to walk away, but had only gone a few steps before he uttered the only two words that could possibly have made her stop.

"Marian. Please."

Before she quite realized what she was doing, she had knelt on the cobblestones in front of him. Anders tried to look away again, but she grabbed him roughly and forced him to look at her.

"Why?"

"It's the only way. They won't accept anything less. I knew the moment I started down this path that I would pay with my life. It's the only justice I can offer."

"Justice," she repeated, surprised at how much of her anger came out in that one word. "That's all this has ever been about, isn't it? Justice for the mages, justice for the Chantry, justice for Vengeance. I wish I could never hear the word again. This cannot be the only way, though. We could leave—"

"And go where? When word of what has happened gets out, the entire world will turn its hand against me. No one would give us shelter, and do you think that Meredith would ever stop hunting us? A man—a mage—who killed a Grand Cleric, and a woman who would betray the office of Champion to aid him? They would not stop at the Rite of Tranquility. They would try to kill us, and if anything were to happen to you…Vengeance would have me fully." He closed his eyes. "I can barely control him even right now. He sees you as a threat, rages against my defenses. I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to hold him in check." His eyes reopened. "Besides, even if I could control him, or found a way to be rid of him, the darkspawn taint is still in my blood, and the Calling would come. Once a Grey Warden, always a Grey Warden." He placed his hand on her cheek. "We were never destined to grow old together, love."

"Anders—" she began, but he silenced her with a finger on her lips.

"For six years, you have been the one shining light in my life, and I regret only how much pain I have caused you in return. Despite what I've done, what I've become, I have never stopped loving you. Not for an instant, since the day we met."

Marian averted her gaze, unable to bear the anguish in his bright brown eyes. So many emotions were storming through her that she could barely sort them out. Anger, fear, confusion, sadness, bone-deep weariness. "I don't think I will ever forgive myself." Her voice was scarcely more than a whisper.

"I won't let you blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. This was always my choice and my choice alone."

"It's not just about the Chantry! I couldn't save my home. I couldn't save my family. I've made so many promises to so many people, and they're all gone. I promised you I would protect you. You were all I had left." Marian dropped her gaze to the cobblestones. "And now I've lost you too."

He lifted her chin to look at him again. "You could protect me from templars and demons until the end of time, but there was no way you could have saved me from myself." He gave a short, bitter laugh. "I sort of removed that possibility a long time ago. You still have friends that love you well. Let them be your strength." He cocked his head, listening to something in the distance. "Meredith will return soon. It must be now." He took a deep breath. "Do you remember the day we met?"

Marian nodded, a small smile crossing her face despite herself. Of course she remembered. Their weapons had crossed in the clinic, but then each had seen something in the other that had given them pause. She had promised not to hurt him, and he had smiled in return. How could she forget?

"Good. Hold on to that now, if it helps. I know it has helped me. For what it's worth, I'm glad it's you. It was nice to be happy for a while."

With a soft cry, she kissed him, as deeply and thoroughly as she could. When the kiss ended, she pulled back slightly and locked eyes with him for a moment. A thousand things passed in that brief look, and then he nodded, his right hand clasping her left. She inhaled, and, before she could lose her resolve, unsheathed her dagger and slid it through his ribs. Anders stiffened, and the dagger clattered to the ground as she caught him before he collapsed.

The world seemed to fall away then. The smell of smoke, the sounds of distant battle, none of it mattered anymore. The whole of the courtyard had fallen still when the dagger hit the cobblestones, but Marian did not notice. It was as if they were the only two real things left, and the universe had shrunk around them.

"I'm so sorry." Her voice cracked and she blinked furiously, trying to clear her suddenly blurred vision.

"Don't…be sorry, love." His voice was barely audible. "I'm free…now."

"I—"

"You don't need…to say anything. We both…did what we had to. Now just…set them free. If…anyone can do it…you can." Somehow he managed to smile at her, and it was as if all the worry and struggle of the past six years had gone. He was, for a brief moment, the Anders she had met all those years ago in that smelly Darktown clinic. It was the same smile he had given her on that first meeting, the one that had so rarely appeared since then.

"I love you," she managed to choke out.

"I know. I…" His eyes closed, and he slipped into unconsciousness.

She didn't know how long she knelt there on the cobblestones, cradling him against her. Even long after his breath slowed and stilled, and his grip on her hand went slack, she did not move. After a while, she felt a hand on her shoulder and grabbed it instinctively. It was small and slight, elven. She looked up, expecting to see Merrill. Instead, it was Fenris, an odd look on his face.

"Hawke, I—" He stopped, as if unsure of what to say. She felt her eyes begin to burn, and quickly looked away. She couldn't stand to have him see her cry. But this put her gaze back on Anders, and the despair that had been threatening finally overwhelmed her. She managed to hold the worst back, but several choking sobs escaped. Fenris didn't move, still gripping her shoulder tightly. When she had regained control, he spoke again.

"There will be a time for grief, but it is not now. We need you. Kirkwall needs you."

After a moment, Marian nodded, the barest movement of her head. Fenris then knelt down beside her and, almost gently, took Anders from her and laid him on the ground. She noted in a detached sort of way that this was the most kindness he had ever shown the mage. She knew he wasn't doing it out of respect for Anders, but for her. He then helped her to her feet. She left the dagger where it lay, the blood staining its blade stark and red.

Fenris gave her a hard, blazing look. "I know we have not always seen eye to eye," he said quietly, "but I will follow you, to whatever end. I know how much it has cost you to have done the right thing." He walked over to Isabela, and they spoke quietly. Marian did not miss that he took Isabela's hand briefly. After a few moments, he moved several steps away, contemplating the Gallows tower. Marian Hawke turned to face the rest of her companions. Merrill's eyes were closed as she murmured an elven prayer for the dead. When she opened them again, they shone with tears, and Marian had to look away. Varric was making a show of checking over Bianca, avoiding her gaze. Isabela's posture was carefully neutral but her eyes darted everywhere. And Aveline. The look in Aveline's eyes was difficult to read, but it promised vengeance.

Marian took a few deep breaths and loosened her shoulders. "Let's go."

Without another word, the six companions shouldered their weapons and turned to regard the Gallows tower. Marian strode forward to take the lead. She didn't look back. Anders had been right about one thing—the time for compromise was over. It had likely been over the moment the Knight-Commander had become the de facto power in Kirkwall, but the Chantry's destruction had forced the matter. In one instant, Anders had drawn a line in the sand, and soon the world would find itself on one side or the other.

_Oh, Anders,_ she thought, stopping for a moment before the double doors. _Why couldn't you have just written a book or something?_ She shook her head slightly to clear it and pushed the tower doors open. No more hesitation. The heavy doors slammed shut behind them with a boom, and the Champion of Kirkwall stepped forward into darkness.


End file.
